尾巴的功能

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电影《决裂》里孙子兴教授的一句台词:“昨天讲了马的呼吸系统和消化系统,今天让我们来讲马尾巴的功能”成了当时人们的口头禅。记得当时人们对马尾巴还有什么功能而吃惊不小,以为马尾巴纯粹是多余的器官,看到这个镜头时电影院里便哄堂大笑起来。

那么,动物的尾巴到底有没有功能呢?据润涛阎研究,尾巴不仅有功能,而且比其它器官的功能只能多不能少。

尾巴的第一功能是防止性骚扰和制止强奸。四肢行走的动物,强奸只能是后背式,而雌性动物的尾巴就成了制止雄性动物强奸的无法去除的屏障。雌性动物把尾巴一夹,任凭雄的无论如何也只能望尾兴叹。

雄性动物也要时刻预防被同性强行“断背”,这尾巴的功能功不可没。科学家们做实验,把一匹雌野马的尾巴彻底切除后放回原野,这匹野马就遭到公马没完没了的轮奸。用一匹野公马做实验,这匹公马没了尾巴后就遭到其它公马的断背骚扰。

在自然界,遭到轮奸最多的是鸟类。尤其是丧失高飞能力的鸡鸭鹅等家禽。就因为她们的尾巴朝上而且只是由松软的羽毛组成,没有自我保护不被强奸的功能。这就是为什么把失去尾巴功能的妓女妓男分别称为“鸡”与“鸭”的缘故。

进化到了人这一步,就没有了尾巴。没有功能的器官要退化掉的。因为女人是否被强奸与有没有尾巴毫无关系。从作案的程序来讲,强奸犯真正强奸的过程都是顺奸。

也就是说,如果女人不同意的话只要把两腿一并强奸犯就达不到强奸目的。强奸犯都是先用枪或刀子威逼女人,在“被杀”与“被奸”作出选择时多数女人选择了后者。然后的程序也就是顺奸过程了。

当然也有强奸犯不用枪或刀子威逼而是猛扑上去。尽管如此他还是要卡女人脖子等威逼手段把女人制服才能达到目的。当然也有象鲁智深那样的汉子强奸弱小的女子硬上弓也能成功的可能。但无论是何种情况,女人即使有个尾巴也阻挡不住的。

尾巴的第二个功能是美丽。就像人穿的打扮的整洁一样,动物的漂亮尾巴对异性有吸引力。蝴蝶的五彩缤纷的翅膀,鸟儿绚丽多姿的羽毛,与动物形形色色的尾巴在吸引异性方面有异曲同工之妙。

动物尾巴的第三个功能是拍打蚊虫。尤其是马牛虎狼等动物,在夏天它们的尾巴不停地拍打身上叮咬的蚊虫。

动物尾巴的第四个功能是擦屁股。动物便前的第一步是把尾巴高高撩起,待完事后总要用尾巴扫一扫,擦一擦屁股。人没有尾巴就只好用手代劳了。

打从人类从四肢行走改为两腿直立,手就完全代替了尾巴的功能,尾巴也就退化了。

比较起来,动物的尾巴比人的手方便了很多。一个男人对一个女人穷追不舍,很久很久的时间以后,男人还是要动用其它器官比如用嘴巴询问才能知道对方是否同意做爱。而有尾巴的动物就简单多了:只要雌的把尾巴撩起,雄的就知道好事来临了。哪里需要那么多甜言蜜语的废话?

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